Ugh. I'm growing tired of personal issues getting in the way.

 Over the past several months, as I've been housed in an Interim Housing Program hotel shelter, for homeless people, I've started to finally make some ground over some chronic, nagging issues that have been getting in the way of my better day for myself. For example, last year, I punched a thick wood wall panel, at a baseball dugout, essentially, over some disturbance that was playing out in my mind, and getting the best of me. I punched the board hard enough to break bone, (since the board, itself, didn't break, from me hitting it), yet my bones didn't break, even though it would have otherwise incurred a boxer's fracture, from my sloppy technique, having hit the board out of frustration, confidently, as it were, since I have steel plates in my hand, surgically implanted, dating back to another boxer's fracture, back around 2005-2006, or so. It was pretty debilitating. I had a hard time shaking people's hand, as a business person (I had to shake people's hands all the time, and I'd preferred not to have to explain the injury). 

This being the backdrop to my current situation, in that I'm certain that I incurred the same degree of injury (equivalent to broken bones), yet, latently present, in my structural formation of my body, in the facets of the supportive bones and joints that correspond with the punch to the wooden panel. I know, it seems silly, but it's difficult to empathize, or relate to a schizophrenic, I figure. I've been there, before, as a schizophrenia-naive person, to a sufferer-partner figure, who had schizophrenia, before my own real onset of schizophrenia, for myself. 

The voices had gotten to me, in other words. I was out on the street, and voices in my head were giving me a hard time, and I ended up I juring myself. It's taken a long time for me to see some positive results in recovery, but I sometimes spend entire days, out of a week, laying in bed, wondering, somewhat, why I feel like I have no energy. Since I'm always trying to quit using substances to prop me up, in life, it's somewhat a blind spot, and I found myself, recently, both denying that the substances "do" anything, at all - they do "do" something;" it's just that I had quit, temporarily, and I fell in to denial. That was the first signal to note, the other one was that, since they still "do" work, I stopped feeling like quitting, as much. It's a performance-basis sort of dependency. 

This sort of confusion is the primary reason I don't favor, or support, the "drugging" of the flocks, in order to train and tame them. I want their basis to be secure and wholesome, in simply arising from being fed well, and for being interacted with, in a considerate and paced, patient manner. I don't want the birds to become confused, as to what our purpose is, together, and hopefully others won't come along and ruin the birds' progress, as they're doing well, lately.

So, I go through these ongoing bouts of loss of ego, and denial, amidst hearing voices, although it's not as capable in persecuting me, as it had been, when I was out on the streets. It hasn't been a year, yet, since I've been housed again, but I've made good progress: my room looks impressive, for example, for a homeless person, I'd say. I finally just got back on my own unlimited Internet connection, and I'll be operating as best that I might, within a couple of weeks, or so, with a new iPad Pro in my hands, within sight, over the next few days - I've laid the groundwork for it. I go on, about my work week, trying to keep up with feeding the birds, as my daily benchmark of success, and I still have these days where I lay in bed all day, perhaps once or twice a week. It feels very physically strenuous; it probably is, considerably, somewhat strenuous, and I gauge, in my smart watches, that I track anywhere from 4 ½ miles per day, up to 11-13 miles, sometimes - just going around, feeding the pigeons and other birds (sparrows, is all, this time of year), and I also have to expend walking energy going out to buy groceries. It's pretty simple fare, and mundane, but I've worked out a fair rhythm and flow to my days. Sometimes it's the noises around me - the "certain" noises, that I can pinpoint to an actual person, or generalized location, nearby me; that is, to say, that these are "actual" noisy events around me, not voices in my head - these noises are a common disturbance for me, because of the volume. 

Anyways, I try to make my day work out, and I try to keep things working for the pigeons' best interests; i.e. keeping them fed, regularly, so that they can be trained, or trainable. They've made good progress, lately, as the library pigeons now customarily eat out of my hand, on a daily basis, as well as that they'll accept a stranger's hand, in hand-feeding them. It's a good sign; it's taken 7 years of upkeep in feeding the birds to get them to this point, in serendipity - either the birds were just ingrained-frightened of having affections for humans, meaning that they had no supportive nurturing environment to have them learn to accept humans as their caretakers, fully, perhaps due to neglect, or abuse - this type of learned behavior is difficult to alter; I find that it's best just to perform upkeep, at this stage, yet, some of the library birds' newcomers were a younger generation, which had not seen as much abuse, as had been going on, in previous years, so, some of them accept hand-feeding, and these ones sometimes seem to prefer the human element, in some part of their feeding time, for their day.

The pigeons at the DTLA Central Library enjoy some spoon-fed cheesecake.

I figure that it's a good sign, for certain; that these birds are learning new and dynamic behaviors that replicate on to the "strangers" figures, as I'd brought a companion along, on two occasions, so far, in which the birds are out of my companion's hand. It makes me ponder the possibility of the birds finally making it, in to becoming a transformational force, in the city; a force of healing recreation for people to enjoy. That potential is what keeps me going, on the days where I feel like I can't get up, keeping up the feeding of the birds, for the birds' sake, so that they don't unlearn these behaviors. Each flock has its own potential, in training, imaginably, and other flocks, such as Pershing Square, and the Figueroa at 4th St. underpass flock both also now recognize me, and they fly up to greet me, upon arrival, customarily, fairly regularly. It's a sign that they're learning, on top of having positive experiences imprinted upon them, as individual pigeons, in a flock; thus, they influence the flock's behavior, over time, as a whole. It's a decent and wholesome psychological foray; these birds, I figure - something that inspires critical thinking and psychologically-correlative thinking, in a "well" setting that's publicly accessible. 

Over time, I learn more about the pigeons, and they take me in, as one of the familiar insiders, as though I'm "one of them." 

Stub: The Impending Crisis for Mental Health Patients - Neck Cancer.

 Neck cancer is a relatively new topic for me. I hadn’t heard of it, prior to a couple or so months ago (it’s now mid-October, 2021, at the time of this writing).

Cancer of the neck? I’ve had esophageal tuberculosis (I think it was; the doctors said that it was something else, or … I dunno. They kind of just disregarded it. Anyways, I lost my voice for perhaps a few months. It turns out that there were hard gobs of mucous stuck inside of my vocal cords, and I could get them out with a Q-tip. I surmise that I had contracted the disease through a tuberculosis test which I had been administered while hospitalized for an acute psychiatric emergency, for a month, or so. They denied that the TB test would cause tuberculosis, though. Some doctor had disavowed it, later on, in history. 

Here’s some of the knowledge base on neck cancer, from cancer.gov:

My red mark-up indicator brings to light a corollary topic which pertains to mental health, and remote sensing, as well as persona marketing, counter-intelligence, mind control, and gang stalking contexts. I’ll only get in to it stub, here, for brevity’s sake, and I’ll keep it simple, such as to let the reader’s mind ponder. 

Now, as well, with the advent of the cytokine storm of COVID-19 infections, which is an inflammatory disease, we see some notion of the otherwise common person, pushed too far, perhaps in their digital life, where life seems more compelling to indulge, for some, as that the constraints of the physical become the pains in the neck, whereas some of our hormones are regulated in the thyroids, which are situated right next to our major neck arteries. 

Some quick tips, as for harm reduction:

• Don’t smoke scuzzbwies and drywall. Just… just [fuck…] already. 
• Smoking is for tobacco, as far as lawful behavior is concerned. Becoming casual about “smoking” of other sorts lends itself to increased risk for total recall (full body scans, and transmutability unto others, aka Scientology “gods,” or idols of some sort, out of the subject.
• Remember the lessons of childhood. Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to. Respect your elders. Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain. 
• I’ve got an “advanced neck cracking” instructional video up on YouTube. Check it out. It might be revolutionary for you. Sure, it looks bad, but hey, this is the neck at issue. What kind of donor could offer a suitable adjunct parcel of body form and what kind of treatment protocol could be supposed, in such a situation?
• Just watch the video. I’m shooting for organic hits, here, and I know, it’s significantly niche, but if I do something on camera, and leave it posted, I’d hope that it at least helps some people out of their otherwise misery that they’re living through.

How does neck cancer become removed from the body? 

Neck cancer which is experienced concurrent with chronic inflammatory disease could be a condition which is simply symptomatic of the inflammation condition itself, in conjunction with pre-existing cancerous, or pre-cancerous cells in the body, attempting to release themselves from the body; a condition which could correlate with an ionic mineral cleanse and detoxification regimen, for example. I would estimate that this is the process that I am going through. 

In essence, I felt that my experience of this problem became apparent, after I had some bouts of mild “chomping” down, at the jaws, at which point I incurred a fracture of my premolar tooth, on my upper jaw. I realized that this fracture indicated that it was an opportune and resonantly consistent ulceration that had been opened up, of a seamless opening that bridged my bloodstream in to the outside world, of my mouth. I noticed that I had let out a blood clot; for example, and it was a blackened opening, similar to a cavity, yet a bit uncommon, since it was not at my gum line; rather, it was in the middle of the tooth, as though the tooth had been drilled open. I had various exigent sources of need, in detoxification: for one, I had broken my fist against the wall, a couple of months prior, and my bone marrow had an opportunity to leak out, in to my blood stream. In this case, I felt that I was regulating, and renewing, the bone marrow that had been leaking out, giving my overall bone marrow composition a new signature trait to it, whereas it was locked inside of the bones, prior to my hand break. Aside from this, I am a long-time tobacco smoker, and I have ostensible tar and plaque buildup in my bloodstream; but my broken hand’s scar tissue would probably have been one of the acutely critical things to get out of my bloodstream. At the moment, it’s popping up, in my life, as a deep vein thrombosis, at the back of my knee. I’m working it out, through vigorous exercise, mixed in with intervals of rest, and I suppose that some of it is aerated out of my system through this fractured cavity in my tooth, which will eventually be treated and sealed back up, with a renewed regimen of ionic calcium intake, which I will manage for myself, and perhaps I’ll follow up with a dentist, to have him check on it, and perhaps seal it with a filler, as had been done for me, on my molars, back in my school days. 

The large cavity fracture on my premolar is evident, here, in this image. 

Take a look at how large my teeth had grown out, and expanded, with ionic mineral calcium supplementation! Perhaps I can grow in to a larger frame, some day, with continued supplementation. 

The winter 2021 state of the Full Service Partnership program, headed by Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health

 Few people experience schizophrenia and bipolar symptoms such as I do, personally, at this point in time. It’s February of 2021, and it’s been a fairly consistent predicament and a detriment to my better self and well-being since the onset happened, back in 2012. I covered much of that early-onset era of schizophrenia on Twitter, for a few years, or so (what don’t I cover on Twitter?)

The essentials of what I’d come to understand about schizophrenia are these things - that there are three distinct and currently recognized typical onset time spectrums within susceptible individuals’ lives: early onset (teenage years, most commonly), young adulthood (age 30 and beyond), and mid-life crisis (seniority years, and retirement). The debilitating traits of schizophrenia are obvious - in a clinical sense, (the book is in the Patton State Hospital Library, and I read it - it was a doctorate thesis on Narcissism, which posed paranoid schizophrenia as the final stage in the spectrum of narcissism, beginning with (well, I forget the first stage), but it continues forth, noting grandiosity, a trait of bipolar spectrum disorder, as the second stage, borderline personality traits of disruptive and dysfunctional relationship management skills and symptoms as the mid-point marker of the narcissistic personality, with narcissism being the trait carried through, further in the spectrum, and once full isolation and intrigue had become trait and characteristic alike, of the study and inquiry upon such an individual, it would be known as paranoid schizophrenia. 

To disavow the reality of that schizophrenia is a manifestation of what is quite commonly conceivably known, and attainable, as knowledge merit, in delineating the former (or, uninitiated) lacking knowledge and foresight that would appropriately equip the potential sufferer’s repertoire in some sort of skill set or foundational knowledge of how to cope, give, the seemingly inevitable circumstances - it is technology’s doing and carrying through of the task of “delivering” untimely messages of lesser psychologies, of that there are several handfuls, perhaps, in that they had been forewarned, or that they become mystified, by the powers invoked within the context of hyper-spectral remote sensing and surveillance apparatus, such that we are invariably living out our nation’s religious dictum of a higher power, with religious establishment such as Scientology managing these newer ethical and social deeds, with greater relevance upon some of the higher forms of understanding and knowledge basis that we stand to be held accountable for, in this modern day and age. 

In essence, it’s a vastly “knowable” state of existence, of which rational thought and logic could be applied to the implementation, development, and control of the mind-state invoked within hyper spectral remote sensing dramas. Denying such would be as trite a claim as dismissing that which had simply “just happened,” during the course of an argument, in which an empowered individual chooses dominance, over prescience, and continuity, in the context of problem resolution, which is a common and necessary family and social skills behavioral apparatus. It’s largely expected of people of that they are not seeking to cause problems, yet all too often, such claims as these, simple as they are, and at that, dismissing the oblique portrayals of persona that become unmistakable perpetrators of witting persecution and human trafficking, with intelligence and talent largely cast aside, for the sake of enlivening notions of the inquisition, played out in its various mannerisms in which it might, for those involved, and on behalf of those seeking to relieve themselves from their own internal struggles. 

It’s a challenge, yet I’m put at task to empathize much with the spirit of opposition; I’ve been cornered and singled out, so commonly and chronically so, such that my own opinion and disposition about the subject is somewhat obscure and fringe territory of people’s common usage conversational basis, and it’s a weighty task at that. Even I would admit, at times, that I’m taken by suggestion, and I’m somewhat not quite even myself, at certain points in proceedings. Yet, for that matter, I feel that some of the caseworkers are burdening a client of the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health, such as myself, with the consequences of affirmative action hiring; I’m only somewhat recently “okay,” with my various imaginative persona and web | app development enterprises and content publishing pursuits as having placed me well enough within the demographic of that I could receive unemployment and pandemic disaster award money, alongside my unemployment insurance claim, with my business ventures being the basis for self-employment. Thankfully, that much had been rigorously covered, in the past year, or so, assisting the gig job and self-employed economy.

That being said, I don’t feel like I need to say much more, yet perhaps I’ll update this, with some allegorical additions to the contexts laid out here, if things happen to believably develop along those lines tonight, or to continue further. 

I've been cleared for another year at my apartment.

The Housing Authority of the City of Los Angeles cleared my apartment at inspection time, this time around. 

It's been a controversial issue, as it had roiled on since late last year, when [something] came of issue, although the housing inspection is supposed to be an annual thing. I had some adversarial moments pop up, which I outed on social media.

You can imagine... <_ td="">

It's been a central focal point of many of my recent meetings with my social workers, and with such difficulties as I've been having with endless bouts of schizophrenia, I've largely been stuck at meek apologies for not performing better, in terms of cleaning up the place,

Thankfully, the HACLA inspector cleared my place; this view is actually significantly improved over how messy the floor had been, previously. I graciously received help from Alexis and Lionel from Telecare as far as cleaning my place, a week or two ago. :)

and, as well, for the broken windows, which I had done while being stalked and prodded by "people I used to know."

A sorry story, but likely the burden of many of us who came of age at this place in time that it had been: the DSM-IV standard textbook diagnostics of the schizophrenic prognosis of onset at age 30, most typically. 

As an aside, I've since then come to realize and understand that [now <_ -="" also="" and="" as="" at="" been="" case="" childhood="" crisis.="" div="" epochs="" had="" in="" individuals="" it="" lifetime="" mid-life="" nbsp="" of="" onsets="" or="" other="" perhaps="" potential="" previously="" schizophrenia="" such="" teen="" that="" the="" touch="" well="" years="">

What is the correlation here, and why does it matter? 

The significant issue at had is the volumarity of distance according to proximity in place in time; a common [or not <_ a="" abuse="" all="" and="" are="" as="" belief="" better="" both="" by="" comes="" common="" communicatory="" due="" each="" employed="" facet="" fallacy="" for="" from="" given="" graces="" greater="" higher="" i="" in="" individuals.="" internet="" is="" language="" learned="" logical="" modes="" more="" my="" natural="" nbsp="" never="" of="" oftentimes="" or="" our="" own="" p="" powers="" prognoses="" received="" science.="" signals="" stalkers="" statistics="" strong="" subject="" term="" than="" that="" the="" their="" to="" understood="" universally="" upon="" us="" virtues="" we="" what="" which="" would="">

Likewise, a group is only as strong as it's weakest link. 

What matters is that, and such that I oftentimes (tiredly) compose over again, as is this time; such that I'm « supposedly » known for, in the first place.

By now.

What matters to me is the simple objective artifact of truth or in representation thereof. Beyond that, it's come down to forensics and Scientology, letting slip (some-and-at-times) mis-and-un-fortunate slips, which I and others happen to acknowledge.

How does a Christian individual resolve such types of issues? 

This type of thing is quite obvious to obviously Christian individuals. I won't prod any further than that.

Aside from all of this, I'd fancy this article done. Blehh.