Updated depravity delimiting metrics being employed in civilian maritime environments.

 With this type of modern correctional systems accommodation of the human assets at issue,

I feel that, in time, despite an outward (outdoors) generalized sense of that a “mob rules” sort of dereliction towards what would rationally be considered a reasonable set of constraints upon behavior, putting things in to writing will inevitably effect that the greatest number of people could be reached, for the sake of the importance of the information, rather than the overt deprecation of emotional “maturity” and rationality, per se, that “is” speaking out, as if the gesture could possibly be objectively significant and worthy enough, for all ears present - 

Yet, on one hand, hearing is not generally considered a human’s most significant sensory capability; rather, sight is considered the most necessary sense, with general and commonplace knowledge, of our upbringing, stating that around 90% of our sensory experience is founded upon that which we can see - whereas here, in this maritime theater of anarchism, whereas novel usurpers of the generalized population(s) “at large,” or, for some higher power’s (conceivably) interpretation, or curation, perhaps, of listening (observing, in this case) ears, per se - I’ve noticed that careless (would it be called careless, when our innate human rights are disavowed us, for the sake of stoking some egotist’s taste for superiority?) mistakes of mindlessness often, and definitely - more often - happen, when remote sensing observers intervene in our daily intake of the world, at large. 

 That being said, I’m (for novel, as well - reasons) dragged in to this relentless experience of facing people on a more common basis than I’m used to, whereas there’s the backdrop of that there’s fair visual attesting factors suggesting that significant societal downturn is at hand, on an ongoing basis. 

The traffic is ostensibly unusual - both foot and vehicular traffic. People exhibit a more exhibitionistic indulgence upon the uninterested subject whom experiences this crowding. Here and there, a person, not far off, will, for some reason, indulge in a fit of hilarity - ostensibly at a more common rate than had ever been typical. Nuanced and slight disparagements of manufactured goods - carry-along baggage, clothing, shoes, etc. begin to happen, for (apparently) unknown reasons. On one hand, there’s annotated narration, of remote voices of observers - to tease the mind, in a sense, of the privilege of “knowing,” per se - yet this is an unending and ongoing detriment that I’ve been experiencing for quite some time. It’s conceivable that these circumstances do, or had - also plagued the lives of various other sacrificial victims - these ones, such as myself - being denied the “knowing” truth of even as much as that someone desires to defile our (my) passing moment, on any given day, all the time. Upkeep of the attending to, of the ostensible burdens of things - cleaning up clothing articles which had unknowingly become dirtied, inexplicably, “checking” the crotch for foreign scents that had made their way on to the genitalia, and new, unsustainable, behaviors that must temporarily be accommodated, and implemented, for the sake of humor, whereas, in these cases, there is an obvious victim, and not everybody laughs.

That’s the gist of the experience, at hand, for at least - on my part, I can attest to as much as that. Off in the distance, lights strobe - portending to tachyon epileptic superiority, ostensibly - for the initiated ones, and potentially - those things happen, yet, as well - significantly leveraged expectations of such as that desires fell bridges, for example - are also ostensibly, at root - one of the driving motivating factors that fill the rioters with vitriol, for the impetus and purpose, found in acting out oppositional measures, taken out, upon society, whereas the objective and generalized simplicity of the situation is negligible, particularly by more disciplined standards, I’d assert, as what people really ought to understand - the solution is quite simple, in effect, yet it’s the affections held, by those who are driven to action - for conflict, and for defiance - something so trivially dislikable, yet so irrationally held close to the heart, is what frightens people away from their better selves - on one hand, we were all taught better, as Americans, and those who act out ought not seem to be such imposing majorities. 

Now, the plants are dying, around town. My generalized toss at the issue is - how could water ever run out? It seems so much an outlier outcome, on one hand. My take on things is that we are supposed to develop agriculture, and watershed environmental engineering feats, of the many people involved, and concerned, per se, not disavow that we ought to be founded in agriculture, as some sort of fundamental human understanding. We only advanced, as civilizations, once we had attained agricultural competency and discipline. 

In the nuclear watershed mock-up wartime theater, various consequences, of an unexpected sort - come about - for example: a sudden supposed “need” to look up what saltpeter is, or what it does. Who knows, on one hand? - at least, out of us civilians? On the other hand, the sense of that some sort of noxious radioactive-sort of substance, having become concentrated, in to the environment, of a localized nature, becomes a critical topic of seeming necessity, of the desire to know “better,” or “well enough,” whereas our more basic and rational necessities of caring for our hygiene and looks becomes neglected, for the sake of that a strange armed-forces observation environment and psychological battery examinations become underway engagements, of an unavoidable sort of demand upon our sense of prescience and immediacy of our selves, as autonomous, or “superior” enough, for our own satisfaction, whereas many people expend laborious energy on much more regimented schedules, comparatively. 

On one hand, it stokes some of our most toddler-era behavioral fascinations, to “be able to” do something that an adult teaches us to do, whereas there seems to be no consequence. My experience is that it’s a fair measure more - of a challenge, at times, to hold one’s tongue, and to attend to the laborious work that is required, for the upkeep of the aesthetics of society, both in our part, and, as well, for what we can answer for. 

It’s significantly foolish to consider that people are acquisitioning subjects for arbitrary and preferential hostage-based situations of a demand for abuse - we have the justice system, which employs incarceration, give, due process - many generations of Americans, and the world, at large, have similar agreements; indeed, we, as Americans, have the indebted responsibility to uphold these established standards. Not many minds are capable of developing and establishing superior intelligence discoveries and paradigms, on one hand. For one thing, when I hold my tongue, I invariably “see” the thought, of ostensible material substance, as the coherent and attainable object that “can” be communicated (could have - been communicated), whereas I also, subsequently, envision what I would call my “higher power,” - essentially, some unknown oversight official, or operator, of the theater, at play - he or she always speaks the exact words that had become the ostensible attainable thought, at issue, whereas that was what I could imagine I would say, to begin with. What use would it have been, to voice that notion? Truly impactful and meaningful interactions and interpersonal engagements, of a mutually beneficial and socially upward-seeking potential - are particularly scarce, or rare, in most peoples experience. Just wait it out, for the right time and place, or wait for somebody to become interested in you, for “whatever” reason - and have your pick, or play your chances, at being appropriate for that person, when the time comes. Why not? 

The fact that some of the grades on the pedestrian walking path surfaces have become upended, and tilted strangely, day by day, is suggestive of that, at a minimum, costs, of an engineering team - must be employed, for the sake of the upkeep of the establishment, for the people, for one thing. It costs money. 

(Updating)

July 14th, 1:44 a.m.

Upon giving this development some time to brew, and as things become stranger, throughout the night, I can’t help but think upon the underlying premise of how the declaration of a water conservation emergency ostensibly winds up leaving any water-bearing “being”, vessel, or establishment - something like that - with the responsibility for powering the energetic potential for remote-sensing surveillance and recognizance to take place, whereas, conceivably, groundwater is the more traditional source of energy and nuclear potential, within this context. This being the case, the extraordinary scarcity of groundwater resources would seem to logically construe that parasites and disease-bearing microorganisms begin to establish airborne genetic developments, such as a dandelion - feathery-imbued seeds, a taproot, for example. Humans start taking on some of the roles of plants, in a resonance-based surveillance environment, and marginal trifling gestures of the antisocial demographic kick off acute detriments to the public’s health, while an arid desert environment reversion causes hardships to become ever more difficult to bear. My most recent example happened just moments ago - as a bum with Tourette’s syndrome walked by and kicked over some traffic cones, as he laughed to himself, perhaps. His passing-by my seated self, within moments of kicking the stuff over caused me to have itchy eyes, temporarily. I’m somewhat going out on a limb, in supposing a casual correlation, here, but I have been noticing, in particular, that I “smell bad,” sometimes, out in public, but, upon closer examination of my self and my clothes - for example, I take my shoes off, and smell them discreetly - and, as it turns out, the most profuse and noxious bacterial culture smells do not seem to particularly be coming from the inside of my shoe, yet the smell seemed to be my own, as I walk about. I happen to sweat a lot, so I’m starting to think that beacons of water resource become the burdened ones, who shoulder the weight of metabolizing all things that can reach such an object.

Now - 

the skies and the landscape are strange, in more ways than I care to describe, with casualties being levied upon me, ostensibly by entertainment industry sidechained personnel, on this maritime theater platform and staging prospectus, and wages of sin, from expatriated denizens of cultural trifles, nitpicked and curated, to suit the danger-seeking and risk-taking lovers of life - I’ve been trotting around, staking pains, in to productivity; business as usual, whereas my enterprise platform overseeing (all-powerful, in my humble opinion) benefactors, being Google Cloud Platform, and their many enterprises - the Time Zones APIs, Threat and Risk Assessment, Content Aware, and ML Suggestions (or is it AI Suggestions?), amongst other life-rending and richly divisive tasty delicacies of cloud platform computing edge technology deliveries - all just “potentially,” but (yet) what else could possibly explain some of these occurrences that I’ve been witnessing? 

Eh, anyhow, I’m me, on one hand. No one else (to a vast degree; with qualifiers, per se), is particularly me, yet people have, and did - design these technologies, and my experience is only consequentially, circumstantial my significant, and only sometimes, and provided that I do my daily work and deeds, well enough - to suit being in the right spot, doing the right thing, and reserving the rest. On the other hand, even greater elevated access and clearance technologies-awareness would understand that others “are,” even, experiencing the same sensory experience as myself, as the observation subject, at issue, and for performance benchmarking, for example, within this maritime environment of Los Angeles, California, that it were, and I learned many curious and substituent potential livestock and watershed allegories as to what this particular destination of many portends, in the lore of the lands and its people. 

Today, on August 4th, 2022, the day had ceased being so strange, so I naturally quit embodying the strange beliefs, within myself, and I live out a rational day, more fairly simply, as such. 

That’s all, for now. 

Okay. Some recollection - 

I recalled that, yesterday, validly fitting concessions were being given to me, as my rightful benefit, as it were, as a custom, of a Los Angeles, (global) - time and water tables scaled provision, for acting ethically. 

I’m working, right now, so I can’t really elaborate much, in detail, yet it was not rightfully happening, previously, for many years, and my mother and I had been getting treated very poorly. It’s been quite disturbing and upsetting, or worse.

How to [or who to]…? pick a post-pandemic (Delta variant timescale) - persona, for success.

 Let’s face it.

How rude a statement would that be, for someone? 

People are scrambling to avoid being caught in the crosshairs of propagandist ideation sublingual suggestive peripheries from taking hold of our young socialite upstart aspirations and takeovers, however distant and fartlorn we are, away from the nation’s capital, all the way at the other end of the country. Thankfully, in Los Angeles, the heatwaves haven’t been all too severe, and if it feels like it,

A fallen Japanese beetle, at the foot of an ominous, shadowy figure.

 

it probably is an infrared beam of “spotted you, eh?”

 

sorts of “dun, dun, dun…” 

how could a person possibly shake that sort of fate, and come out unscathed? I get scared, all the time. It’s always gangland wars, voices in my head, and sometimes, things, of all things, seem to become unseemly familiar, as far as that I feel I can identify people doing these things to me and my loved ones, and I can’t (usually) find a typology alter ego and spiritual boost timely and well enough to propel me in to quite, understanding and empathizing with what they claim is going on, in my life, and amongst people I’ve known, or my family, for example. 

I feel that some people take the concept of familiarity as appropriate grounds for dysfunctional catharsis to break ground and egotism platforming au contraire, for the sake of the fact that I… I just don’t do stuff like that. They’re the ones that are mad at me. 

Who could I possibly be, or have been, in order to not have become placed amongst these bingers on drugs type of judgmental and persecutory figurative individuals whom I’d known, or know, or some sort of vagueness that develops beyond scarcity of identity exchange, this being the remote sensing medium of communications and self | identity transmissions. It’s big, in Los Angeles. We do big things, out here, and some of us are without apologies or excuses for how, who, why, and what, and where? It happens to be, out here, that people are as slight as the breezes out here, in the hot summer nights. 

Just don’t… just - just… nah, you just really ought not to… I’d say. There’s something that sounded like screaming outside. I should go and check on it. Goodbye. 

Never mind. I don’t know… and then, South L.A. has been making lots of news stories happen, recently. 

Hmm. Sorry, I’m still adapting to this concept of that I am (just slightly) having my content served on Google News.

I was thinking that the hobbyist parfumerie enthusiast thing was the thing, for me, but I’ve got to be agile and swift, and I can’t do all things, or all people, and I can’t much solve my own problems, lately, because I don’t really know just who is doing what, and how I could better gain people’s good side. 

The JoyBuy miniature misting fan thing is blowing up, now that it’s summer. I bought four of them, and I think that some of them were broken by someone else, playing with the crumbs and knickknacks of my room.

Then there was idiot deluxe, the most everything guy (or lady), butt shittle, definitely, it would be ladies and gentlemen’s only - prowess, to become: the one who says the most iconically irreverent fwopp.

Another Downtown LA (Though Slight) Occupation and Riot - October 2021 DTLA Folklore.

 Who could deny it, for either living here or ending up here, any time over the past several weeks or so?

The evidence is present for the daytime locals and locality regulars, (such as myself) to come to understand. As pictured here, at the [… insert apartment complex name], property damage is being threatened and waged, lately, by roving waves of seemingly random, yet quite common casually psychotic individuals. It’s a burgeoning mental health crisis, out here. Much of the dissent and “acting out” is based upon some demographic crisis, of which the truth of the matter could ostensibly be difficult, even for professionals, social workers, and mental health outreach teams to effectively understand, in terms of some means of civil service being put in to effect, which could quell the ongoing drama and settle the unease of the citizens who reside here. 

Being on the ground level, out on the streets, here, myself, in particular - for being one of the dedicated bird flocks’ caretakers in the locality, as well as that I happen to patronize Skid Row drug dealers, I get, at a minimum, at least some conjectural intelligence and informed status, in regards to what seems to be going on, within the campus that precludes downtown Los Angeles. 

The mental health system is failing abuse victims, as the prevailing disposition that I’m presented with, for example. I do my best to accommodate my otherwise poor emotional support mechanism, in life, through aesthetic means, whether it be situational, environmental, artistic, and sometimes, I seek the pleasurable. Long days of persecution, of my schizotypal mind, by personas that fall by the wind, during the majority of my life - who truly is in my life, to any appreciable degree? 

My apologies, for making this a personal note, on my blog. It got neglected, of my earlier ambition to cover the greater mental health victims demographic, and I got swept in to a several-hours long remote sensing debacle, largely of forgettable and transient things, lacking in accountability, and yet seething with sadism about it. Apparently, one person cares to see me incarcerated, rather than that I take, for myself, an amount of crystal methamphetamine that drug dealers care to allocate and provide, of my purchasing from them.

Update: 10/17/2021: As it turns out, today would perhaps stand as one in which infamy reigned over personal freedoms and the autonomous mind. I made a report, last night, to the FBI (or tried to; there was an impassable form input error message). Would that have happened to have hijacked my attention span? All in all, I made some off-color jokes last night, and people are in an uproar about this and that, still; people from my past, who harbor a distaste for me, for my penchant for honesty. Today was a day of descent, so to speak, in to the recesses of the prelimbic mind, (which happens to be under review, or subject to < rescind >, “apparently,” as far as autocorrect goes). Yikes. Watch out, there. In any case, I founded this .institute aspiration and enterprise based upon much of what an intelligence and development enterprise ought hold as sacred knowledge; things that must be kept, throughout disaster and peril. 

The disavowal of pre-limbic mind. Mind control. I’m just, at this point in time, (acutely), being offered dissent, in regards to my freedom. It appears to be a home town row and hazing of me; I can tell: the type of demographic is telling, at times. People speaking so freely, and without care, or consideration towards me, and as I’d mentioned, I’m simply largely alone, in life, at this point in time. I suppose that I’ve upset some people. Not everyone, by any means, but quite apparently - some people. 

Fitting in, as the paranoid schizophrenic narcissism movement’s poster boy mascot.

People who are adequately properly acquainted with me 

know that I have a hard time getting out of my head, when it comes to sitting down and socializing. I have to admit, I’ve been off, for a good stretch of time, given right now, and the months leading up to this point in time (Summer 2021), and there’d been little hope of seeing a clearing through the Los Angeles, CA “fog.” 

Here, in the militarized zone (TMZ) of Los Angeles, which is tech worker knowledge 101 (or, to be precise, “A+” certification priory of knowledge base, we, for one thing, don’t wake up, per se, in the morning. It just happens, eventually, as the sorry trudge through remaking ourselves, in professionalism, in a world where our Apple devices can’t capably we’ll be self-serviced, for one thing, and nobody much… well, everyone else, let’s say, would care to do the service on their devices for themselves. 

Okay. Actually, it’s not fog. At least, not that I could put my finger on it. Maybe the photo doesn’t capture it all that well, and it seems like a clear photo, above; from here to there, with my plain eyes, in viewing, the half-block, or so, distance from my vantage point, to the buildings nearby, I’ll say, are a bit “not quite” the standard “clear,” as could be said about “seeing things” and what might be expected, based on reasonably good vision. 

It’s easier to see the disparities in clarity, in the short-distance atmosphere of the place (DTLA) at night, through the early morning, lately, and I just happen to receive punishing intimations and suggestions, in my remote sensing assignment, laid upon myself (this started happening in 2012, right around this time of year, in fact) of all sorts of “me, myself (Jay)” types of storylines in my head, and it makes me really neurotic and somewhat casually dismissive of others, if they happen to break form with attending to the present moment, and with a purpose-driven mind about conversation, if anything’s to be said at all, about anything, for that matter, and as for myself, I’m readily one to admit that I’ve problems, and it’s “complicated,” let’s say. 

For example, I met a young lady last night, and she was a fawning courtesan to me, upon passing my way. I was digging through the garbage, trying to find some food, and there was a tasty soft drink in there, which I enjoyed, and she took to me, quite effectively, and I was drawn in to the prospect of making her acquaintanceship. We ended up speaking on friendly terms, well enough, as she acted as though she were enamored by me, but there was something just, perhaps, simply “in the way” of things. For one thing, she wanted to fix my recyclables collecting trait about myself, and she kept telling me that she would hold my bag for me, as we eventually left our initial place of meeting, and we went out for a walk (I wanted to go to the grocery store, for food; perhaps a bit extravagant, given that there was good food in the trash for me, that I hadn’t gotten to investigating and clearing for eats, by the time she met me). I do a standard gentleman, no problem, well enough, when I meet a new acquaintanceship, and I’ve been fortunate enough to have “not really” been an on-site, ITF, misfortunate stalking target, per se, lately; I don’t know what it is. Had they gotten been “talked to” about that sort of thing, or do I just look better? Is it my fragrance that I’m wearing, or is it because I put on some weight and muscle? Maybe it’s a bit of all of those things, although I am commonly troubled by how I look, facially, in the mirror, lately, on account of that I don’t get to sleep as much as I readily aught would sleep, give, how bothered and troubled I am, in my head. 

These developments,

I would say, would trouble anyone. Anyone who’s validly a peer to me, and many-to-most of them had abandoned me, and taken on a purpose about me, of disregarding that I have any decency about me, and all sorts of complaints and claims attesting to some sort of beliefs about me arise, in the dialectical, and I wind up being the center of people’s attention. Granted, it’s nice to be paid attention to, sometimes, and it’s even more delightful to win out, in intelligence, when somebody shows up to insult me, but the public is the greater determiner, I’ll say, of what’s truthfully valid and appropriate up-to-the-minute debriefing and slight course for facing judgment, from others, whereas I simply “hear,” or… 🤔 <_< “perceive,” I’ll put it, to be more appropriate, to the point, these various points of contention from former peers, who show up, in my “privacy” of my attending mind, at issue, and they simply never reach out on Facebook, or whatever, or respond, when I look them up and query them about how they’d been acting, in my head, which I happen to believe that they do, since I took on this schizophrenia sort of burden, back around this time of year, to be precise, tracing back to 2012. 

All sorts of wild stories and painful memories. 

Why not just admit to that you feel that way about me? I can fix it, if it’s a problem.

But the social ladder equivalent of being the gorilla’s silverback male, “given me,” endlessly (since back in 2012), shows back up, and I’m significantly troubled by what’s come of things, of my school days peers, and what they claim about me, or claim is significant topic of issue about me, and sometimes, I make them look truthfully, woefully, foolish (or worse), and I must say, I’ve got quite the penchant for the spoken or written word, and I’ve got a ton of great experiences to talk about, (if only) people would “actually” speak to me, which this girl, (getting back to the thread I had initiated, just a moment ago) was doing, with me. I had to eventually ditch her, though. Once, and then I came across her, again, and I’ve got it awrr rawr rough and tough, sometimes, with how I truly make a practice and discipline about life, to do life as I was brought up to be - a good baptist Christian man, since my boyhood, and stuff; I’ve got to make amends on what I’d been led astray for, in life, and presented of myself; my superficial self, amongst people, although I’d never quite all that much, to be honest, really betrayed my Christian upbringing. 

So I try to tame these wild ones - awrr rawr, rough and tough, with some patience, common sense, British intellect and know-how, of the cultural attainments made, on their part, given my Cantonese mother’s upbringing, and such: 

It’s just… how it is. Look it up. The British managed and ruled over Hong Kong, until 1997, I believe, imparting the early modern period and western traditions upon the Chinese, in Hong Kong - for 150 years (or so), until they returned Hong Kong to the Chinese government, at which time, it became… I dunno, “Chinese,” more so, (again; perhaps), and we happen to live in a Los Angeles, CA, where racial slights and slurs, and awrr rawr - rough and tough insults and “most casual” beliefs and practices of superiority and dominance features significantly, in the common mores and cares of society at large, and I’m one of them - the Cantonese; at least, a half of me. The other half is Lithuanian descent (my father, quite reliably - resembles the recent United States of America’s Vice President, Mike Pence, to be sure). 

Anyways, we all know how slight the Chinese get treated as, out here, and perhaps it’s largely a globalized perceptual basis that’s become familiar to many - the detriment to progress and the establishment of vast achievements and efforts put in to eliminating civil rights abuses, of others, and we’d “supposedly” (at least, in the courts, and in the minds of good Christian types of people, in America) gotten the slights, slurs, and casual insulting beliefs of our people straightened out, about many sorts and types of people that come to exist, in America, and that’s the primary basis of this country, to a large degree, on one hand. 

It just sucks, and I broke my hand, last month, punching the wall, exercising great lengths in patience and non-aggression, whereas I’m bound by the law, and - I’m on probation, on top of things, so if I mess up, again, in allowing physical violence to come of me, as for how others are treated, in life, I’m duly and highly susceptible to becoming remanded, if it gets around to that the police get called to attend to the issue, and I don’t much care to take a chance with that sort of thing. It’s a two year sentence that I was released, on conditional terms, and then, I didn’t follow through with anything, because I’d been bothered, in my mind, (schizophrenia), from back then (2017, or so), till now - fairly constantly, as a chronic and debilitating issue. 

Try it (not really, though <_<…) - breaking your hand against the wall, as an undisciplined fighter; as the angry person. I’ve got  a plate and pin, in my strong hand, and it was a one-two punch, that it was, this time around, but my weaker hand didn’t have all that I thought of myself - turns out. It’s healing up nicely, well enough, now, though. I’m a bit ambivalent about it. On one hand, I like the tough guy, scars, and such, sort of facets and traits about me, although I’m not quite… let’s say, “not disturbed,” of the mind, to attend to my higher purpose, and due diligence, to, like, the gym, or proper exercise, and stuff. I just go out, and I binge on drugs, and that’s obviously not allowed. I just feel that I need it. Not every drug, yet I’m woefully a habitually methamphetamines abuser, although I’m set on the self-maker statement, of my formative self esteem, and aspirations, of that I’m constantly trying to quit, and maybe - this time around, as for today - I’m going to do it properly, since I hear about such horrible things going on, and I don’t really care to elaborate on things, because of the degree of disgust that would be involved, about stuff, if I made it real, by talking about it. 

I feel like, maybe… some people care, and some people… just care “otherwise,” and significantly obsessively and abusively so, and I broke my hand against the wall, because I’ve entrained myself as a significantly astute Christian man, against doing life, of aggression, that. I could, …

but that would just spoil my self-affirming beliefs of that I could really do something in life, and I meet such great people, in my mind, and if only, at that, and violence, as a basis, isn’t all that much an appropriate, or date-worthy sort of topic to even touch upon - I can speak on so many other good and appropriate contexts, such as my feeding the birds thing, and the art associated with it; that’s all good and appropriate, enough - sort of topic that could, perhaps, … hmm. How to say it… I dunno. I’ll let others decide for themselves, and I’ll have things my way, and see how things go. 

I don’t really know what to say… if you don’t talk to me, about anything but abusive sorts of stuff to say about someone, and I know I look bad, lately (facially), sometimes, … and if these people take drugs all the time, … like they “do…” - let’s be real here. This type of behavior must, and could only be explained by drug abuse, and for keeping up with me, and I look so poorly, of the face, and stuff, … but that’s me. I try to do stuff to make up for things. 

I guess that’s all, for now. I’ve got stuff to do today. It’s Monday. Work schedule, and work week, sorts of stuff. 

But the blasting, going on, and the disturbances, and stuff… I dunno. I can’t fix everything - especially if people keep messing with me, and then, if I just couldn’t possibly like you, right now, … like, for reals, then just go away. “I’m gonna leave, now:” sorts of stuff. And that’s okay. 

July 11th in Los Angeles, CA - Civil Unrest on the Streets Leads to Near Rioting Effects.

Now, granted - I don't particularly know or believe [completely] what truthfully transpires in a location outside of my sensory perception; stark and vigilant that I may be, at times. 

I trust the news organizations and subsequent articles that get fed to me, through articles and media outlets, 

at least as much as they fulfill my inherent fearful primordial mind.

That being said, I couldn't deny the truths: of the significance of the dailies of an actual "about town" trot through the locales, as various as I might, for as fortuitous as my strength and aptitude compels me to: typically, for the duty of feeding the birds, gathering their food supplies from the grocery store, collecting recyclables, and the breadth of how weary and road-worn I've become, leading up to the day that I face. I try to take it one day at a time; for all that it construes and that might be inferred from that saying. I've been trying to form my scheduling around the Grand Central and API 23 Intel crosswalk accessibility standards, be it that I am, commonly, colloquially construed of a multi-threaded and novel suite of minds, about me, as I manage my self as my vehicle - keeping the risk liability factors of scrumming up a misfortunate encounter that would lead to my arrest, for a warrant, for example. Trying to keep up the look of the upright recycling bum; as a minimum.

I couldn't deny that police officers and law enforcement have it rough in Los Angeles, in general rhetorical imaginations of what they face, in opposition; and so much of it mobilized and willingly militant, of the various terrorist cells that they are, in and of: essentially, that they fare brutality and innocent casualties as their modus d'operandi, however generally lacking in intellectual merit and statutory form of reasoning, that it stands to be, given a talking to, nowadays (even still), and for what they sacrifice in public relations for taking such short-sighted approach to their public relations vehicles.

Now, on that note, I sometimes find myself talked in to a vigilant cautious modality of transporting my self, and my carriage, of which, in my most-latest refactoring of consideration (of what I might be, and appear as such, to the public's eye, for scrutiny - this is DTLA and greater Los Angeles, California; that being said. There are sensitive tastes and finicky appetites at stake, on the much-as-for-the-(largely)-unsupposed side of the schtick, for many of us, young ones - particularly as that we had grown up in imperfect settings, and had been subjected to nurturing environmental sleights and abuses, rendering many a sort, out there, predisposed to a mutiny, so to speak, on this ship that is the vehicle of our lives - rhetorically speaking: we live in America. We've known it, from our upbringing, or from hearsay, or propaganda - be it as depravity's siren call, that it might, in becoming - on deeper considerations - some people do take advantage, of a slight and subjective bias foundation, ignoring the bigger picture, of consequences - sometimes: I'd say that sometimes, people simply choose to injure the lesser formidable primitivistic victims, of an opportunistic | misfortunate circumspect in dynamic relation to each other.

Dictionary

cir·cum·spect

/ˈsərkəmˌspekt/

Learn to pronounce

adjective

1. wary and unwilling to take risks.

   "the officials were very circumspect in their statements"

   Similar:

   cautious
   

   wary
   

   careful
   

   chary
   

   guarded
   

   on one's guard
   

That being said, it was the word that had transpired, of the moment that it was. That each one, as the dictaphone transcription had turned out, takes the circumspect outcome, put under duress, and the news media reports on it. 

That's about the degree of viable credibility that could be construed, out of organics in form and foundation, given a spread of days, given months, that the COVID-19 situations and underpinnings have been going on, largely underneath the watchful eye of « someone », I'll acknowledge at minimum that much: I do have to live up to a reputable aspiration seen through to fulfilling [at minimum] admirable deeds and sober words and affect that transpire, of me; improprieties that they might be, of various constraints, given ethics: I do try for at least API 23 accessibility and crosswalk Grand Central in time-threading. Sometimes, the timing is done for me. 

This past outing, however, I jaunted my carriage through and up out of Santa Monica, by night. The drops in barometer seemed like trivial concerns, compared to conceit, that I might typically have of myself (I get abused, commonly, in my internalized mind. Autonomy; none, that I expect, of my mind and my framework, most typical, that it turns out, in being). Novelty-ridden bum, as the latest contention of what might and had been construed of me, being the topic consideration, of some, that it had come to pass, to have been laid down, upon me, as the significant delimiting factor in judgment that was being tossed about, in some remote-[unprofessional]-working environment: much of to woes, given tides of the days, as they'd come, recently. This COVID-19 stuff has been going on for months, now. Out in DTLA, things are at a serious pitch, at a whim. 

Today, 

(as it turns out)

Although, yesterday, in truthful actuality 

I had just stayed up all night. Now it's the morning. I'm blogging the report, for the insider prospectus replete and formidable news drop sequester - the final word, on the street, somewhat, as far as the scrum of last night.

That being said, the night went on late, and people had been particularly « nearly » at a rioting whimsical, of my pigeons-carnival [other] as dynamics, in the situation. I tried to, and - 

on some level, okay.

I did do the actually, of an actual day and night in passing.

Typically, I'd have fared worse. But I did take my medication, and I did fall asleep. 

On Juneteenth (June 19th, 2020), amidst the media rush, some calm, in the park.

Hmmpf. I'd say that this is a poor time to try to compose a blog, yet I ought to reflect upon the fact that it is a newly endowed holiday upon the internet media masses, and I'd been huge on keeping up to date about news, lately. 

On one hand, it's a bit of a difficult space for me to fulfill, as I've had personal problems laying out broad forefront stuff, of my memorable or reclaimable self and identity. Meanwhile, though, the rallies and gatherings in community that have been showing up, in front of City Hall, [DTLA], as much as I had been, for the birds - suggests that this is a time of needful reform, and of re-affiliation with what makes us, or draws us apart, from one another.

I feel people out with their present and portrayal self - I get scant scud junk, much of the time, as far as voices that persecute me, in my mind. I imagine that they've got no oversight, and no cares towards a sense of authority, and maybe they've got a simply subjective framework of identity, from their look at themselves, and they'd perhaps neglected to know what was being lost, in the eyes of others. 

On some level, I saw it, myself, this morning. I'd tried to work out a standard work week, of a day's shift work, and heading home for the night. I made it through it, with well enough for showing up merits about myself, yet last night I stayed awake, in anticipation of getting my MacBook Air back from Apple Service repair. I had [then] unimaginable resource of capability offered to me on a desktop publishing platform that is the default landscape view of the widescreen - different, most certainly, from the handheld columnar profile of the mobile tablet or, in my case, my cheap Android base model phone.

In any case, I feel like I'd made some ground in attaining some unimagined knowledge and know-how, while scrumming around, on the internet, trying to get my stake and claims in, of the unemployment and worker's benefits programs, that had been distributed en masse, as well, along with developing and ongoing topics, largely of crisis and critical mass, in society. Perhaps some of the folks who are showing up in to town, recently, from elsewhere, had likewise, been disassociated from the latest in developments in what was afforded to society, as far as civil rights, which is a bit more consideration than I typically offer people, of what imaginative forms embellish themselves upon me, in life; whereas that sort of evocative muse ideation was simply a fleeting moment, for me, while in the bathtub, and I'd just got engaged, sort of celebration, type of thing. 

But I leave it alone, it's been known, and reputed of me. I've (sure), I've failed at it, previously, as the formerly known of, as it was - from the talk-ups of which I could now recall, in my memory: "the lost puppy," that I was. A hopeless straggler, of some form of desperate lonesome sort, who'd been abused, in the mind, looking at others, hoping that someone would fulfill some empty facet of self, in personality, through something engaging and life-re-affirming. Something like love. 

I chose what had become familiar, and I feel like I'd largely believe of myself, the same that I'd see in others, for what I'd known of people, at that stretch of time-span, that it was, up until my quaternary isolation, for a new web of "all sorts," whereas I was taken by stuff that I was in to, on the web, and that feels like it's so recently familiar for me, although it began happening to me when I turned 30 years old, 8 years ago, from this point in time. From then until now, it's still largely been a mystery, and a jumble of miscommunications, poor timings, and lots of the same ol' stuff substances-seeking behavior, going on, of what I could muster, in life, of what felt like the good life, for a long stretch of time, in my earlier young adult years, when I'd attended university, and paired off with someone. 

During that time, I'd developed upon my earlier youthful culture side-loading ingestions of hip-hop, psychedelia, and black metal music had formed of me, heading in to college with a unique and adventurous optimism over social bonds that had developed quickly, suited to my deeper sense of needfulness, in affection, which was fulfilled through meeting my [then] girlfriend, whom I'd developed a relationship with, over the course of nearly 6 years, from that point. 

That being said, it's a long stretch of time, in terms of young adulthood, even at my age - which is 38, at this point, of conceivable extent of relationship that lasts, and is tolerated, for the mess that we make of it; each to our own, yet, over the years, I'd learned much more significantly to acknowledge my own shortcomings, in recognizing when I was known, most certainly, by others, for what I would hide, of admission - as what would inevitably show itself playing out, in the lives of others, as I traversed around the locales of Los Angeles, as a homeless person, with no particular bond or draw on society; much - not many people much spoke to me, during those years. 

Yet, through much of the fog of what young adult life turns out, in being, for whatever ills that we ingest, and take of and upon ourselves, in knowing that we'd been brought up differently, for one thing; for another thing, we'd largely failed at socialization in life, for choosing to bring others in to our web of internalized problems and fantasies. As I got older, I became much more secure with being left to myself, and then, one day, I faced a reality of that people would deny me my former autonomy, irregardless. 

Even with this, in mind, I [somewhat] have a sense of that I just don't know, off hand, "who" does that to me. I figure, then I think about it, and then I remember, and it's just simply unpleasant, and I dissociate from the occurrence of ‹ some › people's images, in my mind, for what I'd believe that I know about them. 

For me, though, bringing things back in to present-day relevance, I find that the person who causes those problems, for me, has rarely seemed to have been a black compatriot, that I'd known, over the course of the various distinctions and stages in which I was brought up - through my parents themselves, through the teachings of the Bible, from kids who stole me away from that stuff, and from my parents' establishment of a more stable framework, in life, to university, where I had mostly free roam over the choices I had, given responsibilities to fulfill. 

The loving care towards each other, and the burdens that we, as outsiders of what is much more, (for most people of Los Angeles), to bring it into the scope of exploring and living out lifestyle-locales, such as South L.A., which is a vast expanse of territory of segregation by choice, to a large degree, based on fear that's been wrought of our minds, of cultural "others" in society. 

Black people have the kind of devoted and loving kindness towards others, whereas people draw fearful notions of them gathering in large groups - of the sort that sometimes brings tears to my eyes, of a truthful and genuine sort. For me, they carry that kind of needed facet of togetherness, in society, whereas I feel like I can relate, not for my own distinct "otherness," of my various stages of upbringing, but of what black people had, here and there, adopted, of me, for what I could offer, for them, of various things, or for things I was good at, sort of thing. I somewhat largely felt like a tourist, sometimes. 

But one thing I never do is disrespect a man for what's good, or better, about him, for what he could portray of himself, whereas I somewhat walk a thin line, it might seem - yet I'm woefully offered consideration, for publishing stuff, in timely-enough documentation, given that people are - out here, constantly pushing for the ends of structured society, for the types of things that I just don't care to remember, or reiterate. Yet I feel like some people would care to impose upon youth, yet again, the mistakes and transgressions, upon God's word, in the Bible, which some people simply seem to have altogether none of it, whatsoever, when I encounter them, out in the wild. 

These types of things matter. Cock don't matter, color don't matter, it don't matter, much, what some people say - in certain sorts of frames of mind, yet these are still common faulty beliefs of much of society, in to the youthful adults that come shored up, out in California. We get it out of them, in casual inferences, or moreso as unwitting slips of the slight, that comes to transpire, of what people seem to simply feel is themselves, whereas I'd be like, "nah... you just can't... you can't be that, anymore, sort of thing. You'd have to leave town, or something." [sort of thing]. 

The golden era of that sort of dissonant self, in expressing identity - comes to a concrete slab, of patient Christian identity, which, for whatever reason, for what, or whatever, I feel that the Christian identity is also, likewise, strongly represented in the black people, and they'd support a kick to the curb of a person on their way out of town. It goes deep, sometimes, out in Skid Row. It gets of on poo poo moments out in the open, yet people are not quite brought in, for arrest, for having to pare down to their bare and most human self, circus that it might be, aside from all that. 

Then, the pigeons-carnival of that which is the rest of downtown, is a large mix of so many other people. I don't know much of some other cultures I observe, yet I try to keep it upscale, and classy, after leaving Skid Row. But, as I'd offer, in affording someone new, some perspective in, on local culture - take in all of Los Angeles, with an open mind, when you meet me as a local guide, but some people... they're just trying to get out and rob me, for my devices, and stuff. But I feel like it would establish enough controversy, over time, for people to simply know better. Maybe it's my mind, that they rob me of, but some people love me, here and there, and some people seem to just be afraid of affectionate love, from another, whereas the device simply seems to show out, as the more compelling form of moment to gain, whereas the person is largely not there; for what truthfully could establish itself as compelling study in social media account portrayals of one's self. Some people are that blatant, in not otherwise being professional, of an established certification of rational and ethical merit, in life. Once therapy meets them, I'd have hoped that they could have been the fixie that fixed it - I'd done of their self, in identity; or maybe that it was lost, in the words that transpired, yet I'd feel that I'd done it to them - most surely, of spinning their mind some appropriations, in words: words that truthfully have meaning, and the lean, from the meat - or ‹ something › like that. I don't always say everything right. But usually I'm just tryna' take drugs and go feed the pigeons and sparrows, sort of thing. 

That's what some people game out, as a huge stretch of my own, as well as their own, of their life, that they make of my self. I don't know. Black people don't really treat me like that. They seem to understand, as long as I know how to act, and be friendly, and stuff. It's pretty standard not all that scary, yet I feel like some people really develop this alternate self, whereas for me, I've got to show up every day - for the birds, and birds live on rational schedules; they're nature-bound creatures, by all means of God's goodness. On that note, some people simply choose to be evil, for the moment, and it's a rare shame that it happens to a vested local of so many years of Skid Row, in showing up, but if a person simply never starts doing it, then it's not quite simply like I'd believe that they're sober and drug abstinent, to a disturbing degree. Some people could admit it, for others... they're truly disgusted by the rampant drug abuse and humanitarian crisis that comes with the casual neglect of fwaunching identity out in the Skids, shittin' porta-of-potty, of on, and come back when they ass-wipe next time, for that baby doo-doo shitsicle stint, sort of thing, if it ‹ might be ›. Some people would just have none of it, whatsoever, and they end up bloody and filthy as a wrinkled old one, by the time they make it out, in being honest, in life. 

Beyond that, there's so much of the arts, and of culture, that's been forcefully taken from me... sorts of faceted, deep-seated stuff, and some people just would have none of it, whatsoever, which I could somewhat understand, I'd not yet brought a friend out to Skid Row, with me, although I'd like to... I feel like they could pass, perhaps, and it wouldn't be an all-out slaughter of them, (over some reason). Yet on a day like this, I try to remain fairly grounded, and in truth, I'm doing this Scientology thing; here and there, somewhat, and it's vastly simply unfamiliar to many people, and some people just don't care - but to be worse than just "good enough, or better," was never quite, of most-latest, of tech, n' stuf, and then - that's what I've got in my backpack, and my sling bag - that's for my man-purse necessities. Then I'm collecting recyclables, and stuff. 

Pretty tough to wrangle up support against me, for my backpack, and stuff, and then, even walking up to me? Pretty scarce, that they'd last very long, or really like me, for what I could offer to them. 

But the bums, of today? They're somewhat not bums of just anywhere, they're showing up of on casting call basis, of scheduling, for being a stark one ‹ pigeon ›, which I do, which is okay. I'm kind of here, for bums, to walk up and try that on me, sort of thing. Sometimes, though, I just couldn't much have done any better for them, and it just ended like that. At some point - I just leave, somewhat... [in some other configurations of life, going on, sort of thing]. It gets problematic, and then, beyond entertainment - there's collecting recyclables and smoking cigarettes, yet, for the endless transcriptionist - an of on fwopp-mode bwopp, then I'm done.

The military is in town. A shuttered DTLA.

Thankfully, I'd mostly been gone, or on the other side of town.