iPigeon.institute blog: Having an existential crisis in front of someone is only attractive to socially immature individuals.

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Thursday, April 21

Having an existential crisis in front of someone is only attractive to socially immature individuals.

 On one hand, I suppose that

it would be the case, that I thought about attraction, in the context of having met an attractive young lady today, although I shrugged off the superficiality of the encounter by walking away. She had walked up to me, for that matter - it wasn’t quite me that had met her. 

The thing that was distinctive about her was that she was going through a borderline personality disorder moment; she spoke about regrets over having lost someone (something like that), and that she was looking for her husband - a vague reference, but in this case, it could have meant that she was already with somebody who was taking care of her. 

The point being, is that I felt like many types of guys I would imagine, in life, even at the age that we are - amongst those I had grown up with; I just turned 40 a few weeks ago. She was less than half my age. I recognized signs of that she damages relationships, on account of her not paying attention to people, and possibly, for that matter, she has an excess of narcissistic supply, in being an attractive young lady, of her sort (I won’t get in to details, for the sake of privacy). She was perfectly adept in firing up an encounter with a stranger - a useful social skill, yet I knew that I would probably fail miserably, in my own eyes, as well as in the eyes of others, should it have been the case that I try to pursue her romantically. She was engrossed with some sort of dilemma that she didn’t quite enumerate for me, and she was somewhat flighty, herself, in having so much to talk about, yet she wasn’t all that well composed, or considerate, in explaining exactly what was going on. This sort of person has problems in relationships - because they would come so easily, and to her, as a narcissist, she would be capable of easily undoing the relationship, should some kind of unsustainable distraction take her by the reins. 

I somewhat felt that I could be a simple, temporary confidant, or slight mentor, for her, if I thought of some things to say to her, although she wasn’t all that interested in stuff that I had to talk about, such as my fragrances, and stuff, although she did say that I smelled great, with the fragrance that I was wearing.

So I ended up walking away, asking her if she cared to join me, and she went about her own way, just as easily. This is the test of non-attachment qualities of a person; a thing that establishes criteria of detachment and professionalism, or maturity, in the subject of psychological wellbeing and best practices. 

Update: April 21st, 2022: despite making my best efforts to keep the young lady out of my head, the young lady seemed to pop up, in my mind, here and there, as I would make my common rounds about town, and she was portrayed as various things, in my mind - many of those things pertaining to violence and coerced sex acts, as well as other tragic outcomes for her that she would have conceivably run in to, being that she is an attractive young lady. I somewhat simply believe that many guys would act like that towards her, for having much less experience and less of a tempering of sexual attitudes; the streets are a dangerous place, at times, I felt. I also heard that she had put herself out of her home, and that she stayed with her parents, and that she was looking for her husband, for example, and that that would have been their housing accommodation - a charmingly romantic thing to suppose, and her parents had not wanted her to fornicate with a partner in life, ostensibly, in a sinful manner; that is to say, that the young lady was willing to sacrifice having access to the privileges of home for living in a tent, in their back yard. I heard things such as that she was one of the visitors to my room, where I live, where perhaps the home’s manager had been allowing people to enter in to my room, because they were fascinated by it, and perhaps she did do that, and she became infatuated with the notion of meeting with me - ostensibly, a far cry from understanding if this is true or not.

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