Ugh. I'm growing tired of personal issues getting in the way.

 Over the past several months, as I've been housed in an Interim Housing Program hotel shelter, for homeless people, I've started to finally make some ground over some chronic, nagging issues that have been getting in the way of my better day for myself. For example, last year, I punched a thick wood wall panel, at a baseball dugout, essentially, over some disturbance that was playing out in my mind, and getting the best of me. I punched the board hard enough to break bone, (since the board, itself, didn't break, from me hitting it), yet my bones didn't break, even though it would have otherwise incurred a boxer's fracture, from my sloppy technique, having hit the board out of frustration, confidently, as it were, since I have steel plates in my hand, surgically implanted, dating back to another boxer's fracture, back around 2005-2006, or so. It was pretty debilitating. I had a hard time shaking people's hand, as a business person (I had to shake people's hands all the time, and I'd preferred not to have to explain the injury). 

This being the backdrop to my current situation, in that I'm certain that I incurred the same degree of injury (equivalent to broken bones), yet, latently present, in my structural formation of my body, in the facets of the supportive bones and joints that correspond with the punch to the wooden panel. I know, it seems silly, but it's difficult to empathize, or relate to a schizophrenic, I figure. I've been there, before, as a schizophrenia-naive person, to a sufferer-partner figure, who had schizophrenia, before my own real onset of schizophrenia, for myself. 

The voices had gotten to me, in other words. I was out on the street, and voices in my head were giving me a hard time, and I ended up I juring myself. It's taken a long time for me to see some positive results in recovery, but I sometimes spend entire days, out of a week, laying in bed, wondering, somewhat, why I feel like I have no energy. Since I'm always trying to quit using substances to prop me up, in life, it's somewhat a blind spot, and I found myself, recently, both denying that the substances "do" anything, at all - they do "do" something;" it's just that I had quit, temporarily, and I fell in to denial. That was the first signal to note, the other one was that, since they still "do" work, I stopped feeling like quitting, as much. It's a performance-basis sort of dependency. 

This sort of confusion is the primary reason I don't favor, or support, the "drugging" of the flocks, in order to train and tame them. I want their basis to be secure and wholesome, in simply arising from being fed well, and for being interacted with, in a considerate and paced, patient manner. I don't want the birds to become confused, as to what our purpose is, together, and hopefully others won't come along and ruin the birds' progress, as they're doing well, lately.

So, I go through these ongoing bouts of loss of ego, and denial, amidst hearing voices, although it's not as capable in persecuting me, as it had been, when I was out on the streets. It hasn't been a year, yet, since I've been housed again, but I've made good progress: my room looks impressive, for example, for a homeless person, I'd say. I finally just got back on my own unlimited Internet connection, and I'll be operating as best that I might, within a couple of weeks, or so, with a new iPad Pro in my hands, within sight, over the next few days - I've laid the groundwork for it. I go on, about my work week, trying to keep up with feeding the birds, as my daily benchmark of success, and I still have these days where I lay in bed all day, perhaps once or twice a week. It feels very physically strenuous; it probably is, considerably, somewhat strenuous, and I gauge, in my smart watches, that I track anywhere from 4 ½ miles per day, up to 11-13 miles, sometimes - just going around, feeding the pigeons and other birds (sparrows, is all, this time of year), and I also have to expend walking energy going out to buy groceries. It's pretty simple fare, and mundane, but I've worked out a fair rhythm and flow to my days. Sometimes it's the noises around me - the "certain" noises, that I can pinpoint to an actual person, or generalized location, nearby me; that is, to say, that these are "actual" noisy events around me, not voices in my head - these noises are a common disturbance for me, because of the volume. 

Anyways, I try to make my day work out, and I try to keep things working for the pigeons' best interests; i.e. keeping them fed, regularly, so that they can be trained, or trainable. They've made good progress, lately, as the library pigeons now customarily eat out of my hand, on a daily basis, as well as that they'll accept a stranger's hand, in hand-feeding them. It's a good sign; it's taken 7 years of upkeep in feeding the birds to get them to this point, in serendipity - either the birds were just ingrained-frightened of having affections for humans, meaning that they had no supportive nurturing environment to have them learn to accept humans as their caretakers, fully, perhaps due to neglect, or abuse - this type of learned behavior is difficult to alter; I find that it's best just to perform upkeep, at this stage, yet, some of the library birds' newcomers were a younger generation, which had not seen as much abuse, as had been going on, in previous years, so, some of them accept hand-feeding, and these ones sometimes seem to prefer the human element, in some part of their feeding time, for their day.

The pigeons at the DTLA Central Library enjoy some spoon-fed cheesecake.

I figure that it's a good sign, for certain; that these birds are learning new and dynamic behaviors that replicate on to the "strangers" figures, as I'd brought a companion along, on two occasions, so far, in which the birds are out of my companion's hand. It makes me ponder the possibility of the birds finally making it, in to becoming a transformational force, in the city; a force of healing recreation for people to enjoy. That potential is what keeps me going, on the days where I feel like I can't get up, keeping up the feeding of the birds, for the birds' sake, so that they don't unlearn these behaviors. Each flock has its own potential, in training, imaginably, and other flocks, such as Pershing Square, and the Figueroa at 4th St. underpass flock both also now recognize me, and they fly up to greet me, upon arrival, customarily, fairly regularly. It's a sign that they're learning, on top of having positive experiences imprinted upon them, as individual pigeons, in a flock; thus, they influence the flock's behavior, over time, as a whole. It's a decent and wholesome psychological foray; these birds, I figure - something that inspires critical thinking and psychologically-correlative thinking, in a "well" setting that's publicly accessible. 

Over time, I learn more about the pigeons, and they take me in, as one of the familiar insiders, as though I'm "one of them." 

Pigeon-watching hotspots to see around town #3: The Central Library High-Flyers Flock.

Downtown Los Angeles architecture is one of the primary lures for tourists and sightseers, and, for bird lovers, the Central Branch of the Los Angeles Public Library has a neat, al fresco pigeon flock, which, just in recent years, discovered a perch, atop the Library's titling signage, on 5th, nearby where the Library's main entrance lies, just up the street. 

The Richard J. Riordan Los Angeles Public Library (Central Branch) flock of pigeons, perched atop the outside of the apiary, as well as on the ledge, where they find shelter from the sunlight, during the day.

The street is lined with young Magnolia trees, of which feature a delightful floral fragrance;

Check out this amazing deal on Amazon, where you can sample the lovely fragrance of the Magnolia tree's summer blooms.

at the time being, the trees flower very sparsely, or not at all, just yet. They're being grown to shape them properly, for their full adult tree form, I figure. There's also some classic street lamps, a former pond (I think), which has been filled up with dirt, and which feature dwarf natal plum shrubbery - it makes for a nice (maybe not the nicest - wood chips?) feeding pen for the birds. 

An exciting meal, with the Central Branch LAPL High-Flying Pigeon Flock. Many of the birds present, on a daily basis, here in the spring time of 2024, are babies - there's perhaps 10, or so, young ones, whom had just this season come out, in to the public, for the flock's daily fare, outside the Library's facade.

For people, the ledge surrounding the feeding pen makes for a suitable spot to sit and feed the birds: it's an exciting spot to visit, with gorgeous architecture across the street; various sides of the street - there's the U.S. Bank Building, the Gas Company Lofts, The Millennium Biltmore Hotel, 444 Flower, The Westin Bonaventure Hotel, and, the Library, itself, features notable architecture, itself, for that matter. 

Back when I had my iPad Pro, I caught some great video footage of this flock, from the bird-feeder's perspective, as they spot me, preparing a meal for them. 

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This flock is a somewhat closed form flock of pigeons - the location, despite being quite nearby other flocks of birds, doesn't typically get a lot of newcomers and transient port birds, although there is some mixing and mingling around, of other birds, here and there. I'm not sure where the birds nest, either. 

Check this flock out, when you're in town! They're great birds.

Update 11/02/2024: Big news to update readers and visitors to this flock about - since I first posted this article, back in late April of 2024, a new influx of pigeons; approximately double the long-time original numbers of about 2 dozen, had shown up and joined the library flock's numbers. Although it's intimidating to take on the feeding of ever more numbers of birds, over time, the flock took well enough to the newcomers, and the new ones assimilated well, in their new location at the library. 

This being the case, the birds aren't so isolated, after all. The exciting news is, is that, apparently, the new birds might be a bit young, compared to the rest of a typical local flock's average age of the constituent birds, and the new ones haven't been imprinted with negative conditioning signals, all that much, at all. Some of them have been bold, in coming up to me when I have food out, preparing to toss the food to them, and they sneak in, some of them, and nearly fearlessly, at that. Yesterday, I was able to grab one, and I held it, for a moment, just as a test. Today, I chose to try out hand-feeding some of these newcomer young birds, since they're being competitive for a chance to eat as much as they'd like to, which, they usually do; it's just that they perhaps forget that they would be fed their full, or the constraints of flock behavior may cause them anxiety, so they step all over each other, in this case, trying to get a shot at eating out of my hand. 

This had got to be a quite major milestone, for these birds, on account of the location and ease of access to the birds, with their being situated on 5th Street, nearby the north side entrance to the library, which is a major pedestrian thoroughfare. Hopefully the birds don't get mistreated and un-homed for, or from, the area. In other words, if you do take one home, please be sure to bring it back and release it in the presence of the other pigeons. I'm sure that the at-home experience of taking one of these birds back is all that satisfying, at this point, because they're still inherently a bit scared of people. It's just not ideal. 

Other than that, new individuals have been arriving to feed the birds, in addition to that I see to their feeding on nearly every day, out of a week, and it's open and fair game to go ahead and try out feeding these birds. It's a pretty exciting flock to feed, comparatively, especially if you want to try out hand-feeding them. I recommend using seeds or peanuts.

Pigeon-watching hotspots to see around town #10: Figueroa at 4th St. Underpass flock.

This flock is a delight to visit (for me, at least, because I'm training them). They are currently (October 2024) becoming trained on the clicker, for "come." One of the birds swooped down in front of me, just earlier, today, as I arrived. I was positioned in an unfamiliar place, for feeding's sake, so it was especially flattering that the bird recognized me by the clicker. 

Some of the pigeon flock at Figueroa at 4th St. Underpass. 

This flock is particularly charming for its resilience in the face of challenges. Several of the birds (much more than by averages of other flocks) have visible battle scars, in the form of deformed and swollen feet, from having string tied around their feet, by former trappers that frequented the area, although they're here no longer, I seem to notice. I'm not well-versed in trapping the pigeons, to save them from their plight, at this time. I just show up and feed them. You can check out some of their quaint and isolated behaviors (although fairly common fare, for pigeons; I just felt that they could be a control flock, eventually, in psychological terms, with their progress and development in mind, on account of their isolation) in some video footage I captured while socializing my deceased pigeon friend that I brought along, and wrote an article on, a couple of weeks ago, below. 

Here, you can see my pigeon friend is being investigated by one of the males in the Figueroa at 4th St. Underpass flock's regular members.

Regardless of being new to the place, my pigeon friend felt right at home with the new birds, and he took to some sharing of the same meal as the other birds, while we visited. 

This bird, (unnamed, so far) is one of the more charming of the flock. He had a broken leg happen to him, several months ago, and it hasn't quite healed properly, but he could potentially heal up and be just fine, some day. 

The location is fairly quiet, lately, and, as I noted, isolated, but it's ideal if you happen to show up with food for the birds, and you can spot them roosting on the light poles. They'll swoop down and accept food, if they spot you tossing some out, in many cases. If you have a clicker, that's even better, because they're becoming trained on clicker noises. 
 

I just recently saw a former friend in porn + some back story surfaced.

 As that I'm single, right now, I'm still drawn to pornography, at age 42. It's been a rough set of years in dating, as a schizophrenic, with several bad breakups preceding my schizophrenia onset, as the backdrop to a row of horrors that ensued. This particular incident dates back to the beginning of my dating years, which was back in college and university. There, I was with one girl throughout my college career. I hear that she hangs out with the guy whom I saw in the porn video; a mutual friend. After I realized that the guy is, potentially, recognizably, the same person that I was friends with, back in university times, some melodrama unfolded. I hear that the purpose of me hearing it was that I'd been done a number on, so to speak. 

According to the allegory, my ex-girlfriend and ex-fiancee had moved back to my college home town, of back then, and had been settling in, with friends, there, meanwhile, I'd heard nothing of it. I'm not all that much attached, any more, and there's a lot of sore feelings that go along with processing this sort of thing, which, usually, lately, I'd not give much credence to, yet I found that the story satisfyingly enough fulfilled a dark hole portion of my mind's memories, coming up to the present day. She was upset that I never came back out to try to find my way in life, with her running around town, but I guess that that's where things get fanciful, in believing the story. I have to maintain some restraint, since the girl remains distant to me. 

There were a bunch of short tales of misdeeds leading up to ruin, in their own lives, likewise, as I'd experienced. It was like a lucid dream, that I'd had, in hearing this stuff out, while I'm trying to get to sleep. I'd been ailing over the notion of becoming old, as a single person, lately, since I find it hard to socialize, and all of my former relationships, whether they be guys or girls, are largely all broken ones, so it's a bit awkward, starting over again. I just have to keep faith and persevere through this; I've been through a rotten bunch of years, but when things are good, they're good times to be had, for sure. I'll just have to wait things out. I don't get very far, in contacting people, from long ago. It tends to exacerbate my symptoms. In general, though, I've been on a good path towards rehabilitation, and I've been feeling better, and more on top of things, in my life. The pigeons help keep me stable, because they show affections towards me when I show up to feed them. 

Update: Now, a couple of hours or so after writing this article, I have new voices in my head, feigning possibilities about the pigeons' fate, should I ever choose to leave town, which, I figure, could be plausible, being that there's a train that runs out to Riverside, from Downtown Los Angeles (I went to UC Riverside). They're saying that they could keep the pigeons fed, in my absence. Perhaps I'll be able to figure something out that works with the schedules and needs of all included, within this issue, daydreaming aside; I still would like to finish up my Master's Degree in Music Composition, being that I've had plenty of years on me, at this point, and I have, as well, some cool compositions that I've worked on, over the years.

A peek at my room at the Russ Hotel.

 I've been assigned to Interim Housing, through the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health, since around February of this year, after spending a spat of perhaps 8 or 9 months, or so, being out on the streets, wherein I moved out to Century City and Cheviot Hills Sports and Recreation Park, to be specific, around this time (October) of last year. I'd been haunted by voices in my head, throwing me out of town, so to speak, and I was hinged upon negativity surrounding me, within my personal space. All of this was preceded by an apparent overdose, in July, where I don't remember much of what happened, and I lost all of my belongings, including my beloved iPad Pro. I'm only now within sights of recuperating and procuring another iPad Pro, soon, perhaps before the holiday season, if my estimations are seen through to fulfillment, and, that being the case, a large portion of those hopes are already accounted for and paid, or, as good as paid... since I want to have another iPad Pro so dearly (I had to pay off the balance on the one that I lost). 

In any case, my housing wasn't all that friendly towards me, in my first interim housing assignment, and I got thrown out, at the same time that I was taken in to this new place, which has been a huge boon to my wellbeing and progress, both in health and in my work life, which is, essentially, ordering and reviewing products from Amazon, donating blood plasma, and, here and there, recently, I'd gotten in to some tech industry user studies and product use in-person interview studies sorts of things.

Anyways, no one is allowed to come and visit my room, according to the rules, here, but I get the place to myself, and it's located right next to all of the spots I would normally frequent, out here, in the Skid Row portion of Downtown Los Angeles, CA, but I've gotten my room up to fairly impressive interior design status (aside from the slight mess, pictured below; it's just that the space is small, and it's a hassle to reorganize everything. I just wanted to show folks the lighting and the wild array of products that I have, which are nearly organized; at least, as best as I could fit them in and on to things that I use as storage and display shelves). For a decade and a half, or so, now, I've been fortunate enough to, in some way, or other, have the means to develop the aesthetic of my home (when I am housed, that is).

These are my toiletries, fragrance bottles, and my home and living storage and display spaces, with some art work, up top. To the left, I have a mini closet that's full of boxes, currently. Art buffs and art critics might liken the organization and display aesthetic to the "cabinet of curiosities" style.

This is my bed, my slight art exhibition, some messy product box stuff, and, to he right, is my small utility cart, which stores some of my hopes and aspirations in which I fancy I'd do a pop-up shop, and come out with a bunch of products, for the public, somehow; hence, a utility cart with mostly miniature and small knick knacks. I have some lighting set up, here, for decorative effect, and a big lot of nutritional supplements that I take, which I procured from my product reviewing gig.

A different angle of my bed, with knick knacks everywhere, my charging station, nutritional supplements, etc. 

I'm going to be moving to a new place, in November, or so, so I'm planning on doing some fire sale stuff, and giveaways, I suppose, locally, as well. That's my estimation, in any case. My phone service just got cut off, so I'm a bit in limbo, as far as posting items for sale, since the Internet connection I do have access to is spotty and slow, at best. All in all, though, it's hard to stop myself from ordering yet even more items, and, to be honest, I don't even try to stop myself. It's just fun.

Update: October 27th, 2024: I got a new storage rack, for boxes, and I took some cleaner photo close-ups of some of the detail portions of the room. I also got a new panel lighting piece. Plus, I included the digital photo frame of the still life with pigeons image, sitting across from the foot of my bed.

A look at the lighting scheme, in front of my bed - blue, red, and violet-purple.

A lower view of my cabinet space, with a weaving loom (bottom left), and my new shelving racks, with LED lighting for the middle shelves (the lights aren't on, here), a moon-surfaced globe alarm clock and tea kettle, up top. In the middle shelves, there's food and nutritional supplements. 

The MIDI keyboard 🎹, and the still life with pigeons digital picture frame (currently, that's the only image on it).

Some of my current favorites in nutritional supplementation, recently, as seen here, are ML Naturals New Zealand Green Lipped Mussel 50:1 Extract (great for inflammation), ML Naturals Biotin, Sunflower Lecithin, SAM-e, Berberine Phytosyme, Iodine, and pill-form electrolytes (they work well). In the lower left hand side, I have stacks of product boxes, waiting to be sold or thrown out, perhaps. On the center-right-lower portion, I have a display case of some of my aroma chemicals.

A corner view of my fragrance ingredients collection (left), my tea rack (center), currently featuring Lapsang Souchong Black Tea (it's smoky), Coffee Cherry (Cascara), Jasmine Pearl Tea (traditional), and Tulsi Licorice Root (non-caffeinated) and some detail of my cabinet shelving top portion (top, right), which features my cosmetics and toiletries, such as finished and retail colognes and perfumes, perfume single ingredients, a hydrogen generator water bottle, humic acid and minerals, some other supplements, such as liquid zinc. I also have an electric water atomizer, for humidifying the room, when necessary, and to water seeds and seedlings that I grow.

I found my own personal pigeon friend.

 Yesterday, when I was out feeding the pigeons, I noticed that one of the pigeons stayed behind, while the other birds left, after their meal. He was puffy feathered, which indicated that he might be under the weather. I tried picking him up, and, surprisingly, he let me pick him up. 

I'm not sure why he's not flying away, but I took him to another pigeon-feeding spot, and I let him wander around, with the new pigeons, and, after their meal, he let me pick him up, again, so I took him home. 

He's an adorable puffy pigeon. He slept next to my bed, and I gave him a water dish and some cookie crumbs, while I'm out, for the day. 

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep him, for the long term, just yet. I have to figure out if his condition is temporary, or not, and see if he stops letting me pick him up, after a few days, or so. He seems fairly healthy, aside from the puffy feathers, and he might make a good housed pigeon, for me to keep. 

Update: the pigeon succumbed to whatever was ailing him, and he passed away, 2 nights ago. I had one day with him, which was nice :)

Some fond memories of my adorable little black puffy pigeon:

If you're interested in adopting (purchasing) your own personal pigeon friend, yourself, I recommend Farid's Pet Shop, at the corner of 6th at Maple in Skid Row, Downtown Los Angeles. He has a variety of pigeons, from time to time, and he currently has some pigeons (Late October, 2024) in stock, I saw them just yesterday. It's a good start to establishing your own small pigeons and avian pet friends hobby, with hand-feeding the young, as the next step in having a tame bird as a pet. As you can see, pigeons are adorable birds!

The new and updated Sticker Time October 2024 complete series (48 pieces).

 These are all images that have previously been shown and published, here on iPigeon.institute, and elsewhere; it's just that I set out to do as complete a collection as I felt would be appropriate, considering the recent art work in imagery I've done, as well as examples and images from my earlier years in image, photography, and illustration creation.

My latest, most complete Sticker Time set yet - I decided to do a small run of prints for nearly all of my Sticker Time images.

The Sticker Time Collection is a (currently) small novelty art, Generative Artificial Intelligence imagery, and photography series, which is in ongoing development, for the sake of popularizing and reawakening the connections we have, as humans, with birds; a colloquy which brings some of the cute things about birds, and our imagination and bond that people have, with regards to the human endeavor, in exploring the potential that we have: a life enriched, when we have an inclusion of bird friends amongst us, captured in the miniature form and artistic medium of 2-inch stickers, which, individually, portray some small aspect of birds, brought to light.

The project is still in it's early stages, as my artistic aspirations and hopes for this collection are expansive, with regards to differing mediums, with which to present the art, as well as that I'd like to explore more themes in creating numerous amounts more stickers.